8 Ways to Boost Your Confidence NOW

Have you ever had one of those days that started pretty neutral… you went through your morning routine and everything seemed fine. And then… WHAM! As if out of nowhere you have an attack of “I suck at life.”

Maybe it’s just me? 

I had one of those days recently. I felt completely overwhelmed by life and my business. I was so overwhelmed that I felt paralyzed. I mean, what’s a life coach to do when they feel like they can’t handle life? Which is a terrible question, because it sends me straight into a shame spiral. How fun, right?

Here are the exact steps I take to start feeling confident again. Use these anytime and anywhere when your confidence gets shaken. 

1. Journal it out

Sometimes that shame storm is happening because you have some really negative thoughts. You are not your thoughts, so it's better to let them out. Write down everything you are thinking and feeling. It’s ok if you cry (crying is simply a release). It’s very possible that there are some trapped negative thoughts that just need to get out. After you’ve written down everything you’re experiencing, meet it with compassion just like a parent would act with a kid that skinned his or her knee. Sometimes seeing these things on paper lets you put it behind you. 

2. Channel your hero 

How would Beyonce handle this situation? Or Kobe Bryant? Put yourself in that person's shoes and try to imagine how they would handle this moment. If that feels like too much of a stretch, have your hero give you a pep talk. What would that person tell you right now to help pump you up? They probably have had some tough days and have some advice for you about how to boost yourself and how to get back out there.  

3. Hug yourself

This may sound silly, and it might even feel silly when you try it. But trust me. Right now, you probably need a little comfort. And the best person to give it to you is yourself. Get a nice blanket and wrap yourself up tight like a burrito. Cuddling releases the feel-good hormones and helps calm your nervous system. There's actually science behind this, look up the hug machine if you don't believe me. Try it, it works. The tighter the squeeze, the better.

4. Move your body

For many similar reasons as a good hug, a good walk can turn your entire attitude around. Move your body in any way that you can, even its just squeezing your toes or fingers. Be grateful for what your body can do. Just look at all the things your body CAN do! Get a little sweaty and feel some endorphins. Keep the focus on things you can do, even small things. (Now is not the time to try a headstand in yoga for the first time.) Be grateful for this human body that you have and shake it.

5. Call a friend

My friends are my go to when I’m feeling low. Tell them what you’re experiencing and how they can best support you. Tell them EXACTLY what you need right now. It’s important to tell our friends exactly what you need because otherwise we may be disappointed by support that doesn’t fit our needs. 

6. Recall something good that you’ve done

You haven't made it this far in life without doing at least one thing well. What was it? And it could be anything from making a delicious PB&J sandwich to winning an award in your field. Recall a time when you felt really confident about yourself. Remind yourself of that. You’ve accomplished something. Just because things feel not great right now doesn’t mean you’re a total failure. I promise. You have other great things that you have done in the past and will do in the future. 

7. Look for places in life where you do feel good

Looking for areas that do feel good in your life is called finding your Bright Spots. It can be any part of your life, and it's even better if it's unrelated to what is shaking your confidence. What we focus on expands, so focus on the Bright Spot. That good feeling will start to spill to other places. Spend your time doing things that feel good. If you feel less confident because your bank account doesn’t feel abundant, where in your life do you feel abundant? Perhaps in your friendships you feel an abundance of love. Practice feeling that abundance with your friends, and watch it start to expand into other parts of your life. 

8. Help someone else

When you feel helpless, helping someone else accomplishes a few things. Yes, it can feel good to focus on someone else and do a good deed. But this does some great stuff in your brain, too! Choosing to help someone else activates a part of your brain associated with taking action. Taking any action immediately starts to help you feel better and rebuild confidence. Take a small action to help someone else, even if it's sending a compliment or thank you text. Then you are more likely to take another action, and then another. And all of a sudden you are in momentum and moving forward. 

Don’t let a confidence set back ruin your whole day. Take small steps to start feeling more confident immediately. We might think it has to be the big things like a job promotion or hearing someone say yes to a date. But it’s actually about taking the little actions to realign with our good feelings that help us feel more confident more of the time. 

Which of these are you going to try first?! Comment below and tell me what you did and how it felt. I can't wait to hear. 

xoxo,
Sarah

Not Everyone Will Like You

Lately I’ve been talking about my inner bitch (also called the “inner critic”). My inner bitch has this ability to make me feel about 2 inches high. But you know when my Inner Bitch is really useful? When a real life bully is trying to make me feel 2 inches high.

I recently had someone lash out in anger at me. I do not condone bullying behavior, taking out your issues and uncontrolled feelings on other people. Anger can be dealt in ways that don’t involve making someone feel less than human.

Feeling anger is a way for you to know a Boundary has been crossed, and then you get to decide what to do about it. You can lash out at others, or you can punch a pillow or go to a boxing class. 

We teach other people how we want to be treated. And I do not think yelling, name calling, and abusive language is how you want to be treated.

In the moment that it happened, I did not respond with name calling or accusations. But I don’t tolerate that behavior from my friends, so I knew that relationship was over. 

That does not mean that my heart wasn’t racing the entire time. I also told my coach how I was honestly feeling about this person. And I caught myself saying, “Oh that’s mean, I don’t feel that way about people.”

And she replied, “Oh yes, you do.”

You know what? I’m not always nice. And in the moment where I felt like a bully was trying to make me feel tiny, my Inner Bitch was trying to protect me. Not through lashing out, but by pulling away and saying “This person is NOT for you.”

It’s ok to not like someone, and for them to not like me. It’s one way of sorting people that don’t need to be in your life. Can you imagine if there wasn’t a method to sort people out of your life? You would have maybe hundreds or thousands of friends. Your Facebook friend list would actually be your friends, and that would be really overwhelming!

Likewise, not everyone is going to like you. Sometimes you have a crush on someone and they’re not a fit. And for whatever reason, they don’t call you for another date or they turn you down for your offer to hang out. And that is all ok.

You’re meant to have high quality and fulfilling relationships in your life, the quantity does not matter. 

Look at how you feel when you’re around others. Do they lift you up, or make you feel small? Are you expanding or contracting in their presence? Can you relax and be yourself or do you have to pretend to be someone else? 

These are all signs of who belongs in your life. Go for the ones that let you relax into being you. Where you feel safe to expand and be vulnerable. Don’t settle for less. 

This works for friendships, work partnerships and dating. Have you had an experience where you felt less than? When someone you were with made you feel like you needed protective armor?? When you tried to force a relationship with someone, but it just didn’t work or you had to change who you are to fit in? Hit reply and tell me your story. You can notice what works and what doesn’t and learn from all of it. 

And if you want to learn more about how to sort when it comes to dating and how to be ok with not everyone liking you, I’m going to do a Facebook Live tonight at 7pm to talk about this topic!! Join me live, send me your questions, and let’s go deep on this topic. 

Your Future Self Wants You to Read This

Here's a message from the future.

I was working with a client this week and we were talking about her current place in life versus where she wanted to be. It was frustrating because it didn’t seem like she would ever get to her dream career as the head of her own company as long as she was working in a such a low ranking sales role. She said dejectedly, “I know this is temporary and just a part of the game. I know it’s not forever.” 

What I heard was someone that was beaten down, uninspired. Someone that lost sight of how important right now is.

I guided her in an exercise to clarify her future. Who will she have to become in order to be the type of woman that is running her own company? How does that woman carry herself? How does she make decisions? What are her priorities? 

We got really clear about her #futurebossbabe self, and I could hear the excitement return to her voice. 

Her homework assignment was to find ways to connect with that future self on a regular basis. When she has to make a decision, ask her future self how to handle it. When she gets ready for work and prepares for her day, how would she go about things differently if she was already the CEO? 

I hope these last few weeks have helped you start to look at what you really want in your life and start asking important questions. As the vision for your future becomes clear, how do you see yourself in it? Who do you want to be? Or, asked another way, who do you have to become to get the life that you want?

It could be that you want to retire at 50 and move to the beach…

Maybe you want to be happily married to the love of your life…

Maybe you want to be rich, powerful and travel the world!

It doesn’t matter what you want. You can fill in the blank with anything. But what comes next is important.

Who do I have to be to get what I want? 

And HERE is the key: The sooner you align who you are right now with who you want to be in the future, the faster you will have what you want.

Read that again, and take your time with it so it can sink in. 

When you start acting like your future boss babe, you suddenly start making other choices. Your circumstance and surroundings might not change (well, not immediately), but you change how you see it and how you act. You cut things out that don't align with you. You don't have time for petty small stuff and you take care of yourself and protect your energy for the things that are important. 

I’ve been talking a lot about love lately. It applies here too. Who do you have to be to be worthy of the person you want to fall in love with?

A lot of people I know have a list of what they want in a partner. I know I do. When I reflect on this list and then I look at myself I ask if I am the type of person that would attract such a person. If I want someone who is healthy, am I prioritizing my own health and taking care of myself? I want someone who is kind and generous so am I willing to also be kind and receive generosity.

I encourage you to do the same today. What do you want? Make a list. In your imagination, fast forward in time to the version of you that already has that thing and describe who that person is. And here is the really important part: How do you feel as that future version of you? Pay close attention, because the feeling is really what you’re going after. It’s what you really want deep down.

This is such a fun exercise that I love doing with my clients. When you do it for yourself, please tell me about your experience! Comment below and tell me all about your vision. 

Make it a great day for time-traveling.

With love,
Sarah

PS. Do you wish your future relationship happened, like, YESTERDAY?! You're on the apps, you're going on dates and you still end up heartbroken and no closer to your ideal relationship. Getting what you want in love isn't as hard as you think. Learn more about the process with my 6 month program Next Level Love.Check it out for yourself and apply to see if it's a fit for you right here. 

Is My "But" Too Big?

Two weeks ago I wrote about shifting away from focusing on what you don’t want. If you missed it and you’re feeling stuck in your dating life, this is a great place to start. 

Here is where we left off. I want you to answer the question

What do you want?

Answer honestly from your gut. What do you want most in this world? What is really important to you? What do you want to Have, Be, or Do? Don’t filter yourself. Claim it. It is a beautiful thing to know what you want.

But there is something holding you back. The thing that is holding you back is all the bullshit. 

I can already hear what is racing through your mind.
“Yeah, but, Sarah, my situation is different. Something really is wrong with me.”
“Yeah, but I always pick the wrong person and all the good ones are taken.”
“Yeah, but I’m divorced and a failure at relationships.”
“Yeah, but what I want isn’t actually possible.”

All those “yeah buts” arebullshit. And they are standing in the way of you getting what you want.  

I’m taking a stand as a coach who holds a higher vision of what is possible for me and for you. So from a place of love, I’m taking a stand here and now: 

I will no longer tolerate “yeah but’s” or other bullshit. From now on I’m going to call that out. I’m no longer available for excuses. There is a difference between being in a place of fertile waiting and avoiding, delaying and being afraid of action. And I will no longer tolerate pretending that you “don’t know” when you really do know. 

Most people aren’t talking about what they want. They’re talking about how hard it is and how bad the dates are. I get it. It’s easier to do that because then you don’t have to take any ownership of the situation. The problem is everyone else, not you. 

You are selling yourself short because you’re afraid. You’re afraid to say what you really want because you’re afraid you won’t get it. I get it, I feel afraid sometimes, too. But that fear is no longer a good enough reason for me to not go after what I want. 

When you have a desire, you already have everything you need to make it yours. (Insider Secret: THIS is why I spend so much of my time coaching around helping you get clarity!!! Because when you know what you want, you can start going after it!!) 

The desire is put in your heart because it’s important to you AND because it is attainable. You would not have that desire if it was not possible. “Doing the work” is referring to this process of naming your desires, going after it, then clarifying it and going after the new desire. “Doing the work” is NOT settling for bullshit, excuses and changing your desires to a lower bar.

Your life is meant to be so much greater than what you are tolerating. You’re not meant to have desires but never have the thing you desire. The pursuit of the desire is part of fully living and expressing your life. 

After you know the answer to "What do I want?" the follow up question to quiet the bullshit is "Why do I want it?" 

When you know the WHY and when it really matters to you, the bullshit falls away. Make the WHY so big that it's bigger than your fear, your excuses, your Yeah But. (<--- that right there is the good stuff!!!! Quote it, post it, share it!)

Write it down for yourself. Grab a clean piece of paper and write the vision of what you want. And then tell yourself why you want it. 

And it's ok if your reason is "Because I'm worth it." ;)

Lots of love to you,
Sarah

PS. If what you want is to fall in love and find your lifelong partnership, I have just the thing for you! I'm teaching a free class starting TONIGHT and you can sign up right here.Eliminate Your Love Blocks is for the woman who is relationship ready and wants to call big love into her life. 

PPS. If that's not your thing, here's a funny video of a dancing otter. 

Why It's Great to Be Single

I talk a lot about identifying what you want and clearing the path to help you get it. All while giving you gentle motivational nudges forward. 

But so often we get so focused on the goal that we lose sight of where we are right now. I’m sorry, did I say we? I meant me. I do that. I’m about to open the doors to my mastermind Next Level Love where I help single women call in the relationship of their dreams. 

But before I get elbow deep in the dating and relationship world. I’d like to take a moment to celebrate being single. No matter what phase of life you are in, you deserve to celebrate and enjoy where you are. Married, divorced, dating, single. They all have their perks. Here’s what you can love about being single.

1. Get reacquainted with yourself. 

When we are in relationships we spend a lot of time doing what the other person enjoys and compromising on activities and how to spend time. Think about this time while you’re single as an opportunity to date yourself. And when I say that, I mean invest the same amount of time getting to know yourself that you would with another person. What are your hopes, dreams, desires, and preferences? What are your fears? What brings you joy? 

And here is a great question that I am borrowing from Matthew Hussey: If your plans unexpected feel through, how would spend the next 10 hours? When someone knows who they are well enough to answer that question, that person can make a really excellent partner.  

2. Strengthen your friendships, family relationships, and work relationships

This is an opportunity to reinvest in the relationships that will always be there for you- your friends and family. Even when we have the best of intentions, our friendships fall a bit to the wayside. When you’re single you can show those people how important they are to you and spend time with them. It will also help you continue to feel close and intimate with someone else, which meets a basic human need- belonging and love.

3. Live your best life!! 

When you’re single, you are far more likely to try new things and to explore your curiosities. Go do exactly what makes you happy! Whatever that looks like. Try a new fitness class, learn a language, travel, write short stories, learn to juggle… whatever makes you happy. 

This is also a really great opportunity to invest in your health. Really focus on finding the foods that make you feel good when you eat them and give you lots of energy. Move your body in a variety of ways. This will give you endorphins which is the feel good chemical produced in the body. Yes, more of that please!  There is no one to impress. There is no schedule. You get to pursue your joy.

4. Socialize without a plan

I find I am far more spontaneous when I am single. When someone calls and says they want to hang out, I’m there! I don’t have to check schedules with anyone. I can just go with it! It is so much fun to live spontaneously and enjoy that while it lasts. You can socialize with whoever you want whenever you want. Make new friends if that makes you happy, start random conversations with people around you, or just call up your friends and ask them to hang out. Spice up your life a little bit. 

5. Be your own best company. 

Some people dislike being single because they don’t like feeling lonely. I say you’re never lonely if you like your own company. If you fall in the lonely camp, I encourage you to find ways to enjoy your own company. What thoughts are rolling around in your head? What do you find intriguing about yourself? How are you still a mystery to you? What can you get curious about and start to learn more about? Maybe you examine your beliefs or you think deep thoughts about God or why we’re here. Maybe you’re content to be still, which is a skill that takes time to cultivate and it pays in spades. Being able to spend time sitting quietly can be incredibly recharging and insightful into who you are. 

6. Enjoy having choices

When you are single, the world is your oyster. I’m being a bit cheesy on purpose because it’s true. You have all the choices in the world. Nothing is off the table because you only have to make decisions for yourself. You choose who you want to spend time with, what you eat, where you go. You can move or start a new business. You can spend your weekends partying or quietly alone with a good book and you cat. Choices. You always have choices, but when you’re single it seems like you have so many of them. Celebrate that and make some choices that make you happy!

If you want a relationship, I am here to help you get it. In the meantime, find the joy with where you are RIGHT NOW. You are in the perfect place at the perfect time. There is plenty to enjoy about having single status, while also looking forward and planning for what you want in the future.

PS. If you need a little extra reminder, go listen to this great song. 

PPS. If you’re ready for a relationship and wondering why it hasn’t happened for you already, I can help you with my free class Eliminate Your Love Blocks. You can claim your seat here. I’ll be helping women just like you raise their awareness about what is holding them back from finding lasting love and how to shift their thinking to start receiving love get the relationship.

I Have A Confession...

I have a confession that I'm a little afraid to share. But here goes.

Many of my personal beliefs and practices are pretty Woo-Woo. I am outing myself as someone that gets really into the Woo, and I'm going to be teaching it more because it works.


What does Woo-Woo mean, you ask? When I talk about the woo-woo stuff I am talking about the unexplainable. I don’t believe in coincidences, but I do believe in the power of energy and that our thoughts become things. I believe in manifestation, including the Law of Attraction and the other universal laws at work.  

I practice setting intentions, making Vision Boards and clearing my chakras. I communicate with my angels and spirit guides. I have asked for signs from the universe and followed the messages I received. I have consulted reiki practitioners, astrology guides and Tarot card readers. I plan launches and business activities around Mercury Retrograde and I keep the moon cycle in my calendar so I can set intentions with each new moon cycle. 

I realize that this may be a lot of new jargon coming all at once. I promise that over time I will be talking about more of it and how you can experiment and play with these tools in your own life. Maybe you try it and love it, or maybe you try it and decide it’s not for you. Here is why I do it.

I think there are things that cannot be explained and there are things that cannot be seen. I think that quantum physics is fascinating, and that our human brains can only process a portion of what is going on in this wide universe that we are a part of. 

Also it doesn’t hurt to believe in this stuff. Putting positive energy out in the universe is a good thing, and I think we need more of it. Looking for how I can grow from my experiences helps me, and I feel better. There is also an increasing amount of data and research that is being gathered that cannot be explained by traditional science. And if I want something, I am ok with using every ethical method to get what I want and I will take any advantage that I can get! 

Why am I telling you this and what does it have to do with dating?

Because I think this is a really misunderstood part of dating. I have a hard time with people teaching how to “manifest your perfect partner” because I don’t think that manifestation is the whole story. I don’t think it’s as simple as the movie The Secret makes it seem. It’s not magic. It’s not about spending the entire day sitting in silence and waiting for something to happen until Poof the perfect person appears. 

With that said, I do believe it works with finding your ideal partner when used in combination with other tools and skills. 

And I haven’t been talking about it because I’m afraid you’ll think I’m too weird and you’ll reject me as someone you like and trust in this world of dating and self-improvement. And yet, it’s the truth about what I do. And I think telling the truth is really important in business and in dating. 

I am still learning and practicing the art of manifesting. There are a few steps involved, and it’s a process. But I have fun doing it. I am going to be making a bonus video just for you to talk about what woo-woo dating looks like.

Check out the video here. 

Side note: Mercury Retorgrade is playing some major tricks on me. I had such issues with the file that it cut off at the end!! I did everything I could, but alas. I wanted to make sure to get this to you without any more delay. And all that was missing was the very end. *shrug*

So tell me - do you practice woo-woo exercises? What do YOU believe? Hit reply and share with me!  I want to celebrate your beliefs and practices of what works for you. 

And if this is something you're interested in, would you share this email with a friend? Maybe you can find an accountability buddy to start practicing your woo consistently. 

Sending you lots of love today!
xoxo,
Sarah

Ps. Don't miss this week's video How to Manifest Your Perfect Partner (It's Not What You Think). Click to watch!

Stop This Huge Dating Mistake Immediately

I'm getting really mad. 

I see a lot of people out there complaining about all the bad options on the dating apps. There are entire Instagram accounts dedicated to posting how ridiculous men are and how badly they are behaving. (News flash: they wouldn’t be behaving that way if it didn’t work for them.)

It makes me so mad to watch these people spending all this energy on people that they’ve identified are not a good fit for them. It’s the equivalent of looking at a restaurant’s menu and focusing only on peanut butter when you have a peanut allergy. You wouldn’t run around that restaurant saying, “Don’t you dare bring me peanut butter! I don’t want that peanut butter!!”

No. If you were hungry, you would scan the menu for things that you can eat. Or you would go somewhere else that can accommodate you.

Dating is exactly the same. Why would you spend all that energy on the people that you know are wrong for you?  

Most people can tell you exactly what they don’t want.

I don’t want any cheaters or liars.

I don’t want to date an alcoholic.

I don’t want any drama.

We all have these lists, and they are actually a useful place to start. But you don't want to get stuck there. Here's why.

When you are focused on the things you don’t want you are arguing to keep your limitations. The way that focus works is that your brain will look for other things just like what you’re focused on. 

So if you’re writing in your dating profile “No cheaters” your brain is going to be scanning for cheaters. All you will see is cheaters! And you’re going to get really frustrated because it will seem like all of your options are exactly what you don’t want. 

Your focus on your limitations is holding you back. A limitation by definition is a restriction. You’re feeling frustrated because you’re restricted in your options, and therefore you feel like dating is so much harder. 

Stop putting all the energy and focus on what you don’t want. You are holding so tightly to your “don’t wants” that there is no space for anything else. 

Identifying what you don’t want is the first level of clarifying what it is that you do want. We want to move on from this level as quickly as possible. But very few people can tell you what they do want. If I were to ask you "what do you want," can you answer that question?

Let me help you get started. You can start by flipping the list of what you don’t want to the opposite. “I don’t want an alcoholic” could become “I want someone mentally and physically healthy.” Try it for yourself. Look over the list and see if you agree. See if it sparks some other ideas. 

What else do you want? When was the last time you gave yourself permission to ask yourself that question and take the time to answer it?

That’s your homework today. Right now. Take a time out from work and take 10 minutes to answer the question “What do I want?” Paint the picture as vividly as you possibly can. 

And then share it. Comment below and tell me your vision of what you want. Tell your best friend or your mom. Tell someone that will help you hold that vision and will cheer you on. By saying it out loud, it starts to feel real and helps you move closer to getting it. 

I'm here for you, and I'm cheering you on. I want you to have everything you want! If you want someone in your corner to help you get there, let's talk. Claim your a free discovery coaching session.

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

What To Say To The Voice That Says "You Should Be Further Along"

I am in my mid-thirties, and most of my friends are married (many also have kids). I have attended and been in more weddings than I care to count. And I have friends going through divorces before I’ve even had an engagement.

Most of the time I’m ok with this. I’m happy for my friends’ happiness and partnership. I’m inspired by them. But sometimes I beat myself up because it seems like they are so much farther down the path of life, and I’m left behind. I feel bad for not having my life all figured out. 

The persistent angry voice in my head is screaming, “What’s wrong with you?! Why aren’t you married yet?” 

Maybe you can relate. Maybe the voice in your head isn’t quite so angry, maybe it’s more despondent about being alone and lonely forever and you’re just a loser so accept and settle for this solo life. 

Whatever that voice in your head is telling you, I have the perfect retort. It surprised my inner critic into a moment of silence. 

“Calm the F’ down. Please and thank you.” 

I don’t curse all that much, so it was a bit of a surprise. The harshness worked in my favor. 

Here’s what’s really going on when that voice is getting really angry and pushy:

That voice is freaking out because it is worried about you and your survival. It’s worried that because your life doesn't look like everyone else’s, and to our inner caveman/woman being different = death. 

But it is only focusing on one small part of the world’s population. There are lots of people that do not have partners. Let’s use that logic to quiet the pushy, angry voice. 

Let your brain see new evidence. You are NOT alone. In fact, you are so far from being alone you might as well be in the middle of Grand Central Station surrounded by people just like you but you’re not even seeing them. Start looking for the evidence.

Here’s what to do: Challenge that inner voice to think of one person you know who is not in a couple. Think of one. (I’ll give you a hint- I’m not in a couple! Feel free to start with me.)

Once you think of one person that’s single, think of another one. Maybe Google badass single celebrities if you need some ideas. Give your inner voice lots of examples of other people that are living their life without being in a couple. 

Once you’ve collected evidence that you’re not alone, that voice quiets down a bit. It might say, “oh, I didn’t know that Mindy Kaling was still single. Damn, she’s awesome. And she’s a mom. OK, I see you, Mindy” 

Your brain can easily get stuck in compare and despair mode. When you are comparing your life to others and getting sad that it looks different, it brings down your entire day. And it takes you off track from getting what you really want. Instead of getting stuck there, take the offensive position. Take charge by telling the voice to Calm the F’ Down and take the back seat so you can drive this ship. 

You don’t have to listen to every little voice in your head. You’re the boss of you. You decide the direction that your life will take. 

So who would you rather listen to? The one telling you that you’re doing everything wrong? Or the badass that says, “This is how we’re going to live our life. No one else gets to decide what makes me happy. We’re going to make decisions. We know what we want, and we are going for it.”

I see that little bit of badass peeking through. ;) Let it out! You got this.

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Five Tips to Meet Someone Special This Holiday Weekend

I don’t know about you, but my holiday weekend calendar is FULL of invites to parties, backyard barbecues and gatherings. And what better time to meet someone new?! 

I struggle with this sometimes because I’m an introvert and talking to new people causes some anxiety for me. But I’ve learned some great tips to get out there and get social. And if you need to be centered before you jump into socializing, get my free self love meditation right here.

Here are my five best tips to increase the likelihood of you meeting someone new. 

1. Say yes to invites. 

You will never meet someone at a party if you don’t attend. 

I struggle with this myself sometimes because I am quite an introvert and often prefer being at home instead of being out with a bunch of strangers. 

But nothing happens at home. No one is magically appearing on the couch next to me or randomly knocking on my door. If you want to meet someone, you have to go where people are. 

If you’re like me and find that the hardest part is just getting out of the house, set yourself a small goal and a time limit. Say you will attend the party for just an hour and you are allowed leave after that. Often I find if I give myself permission to leave, I feel free to stay longer and enjoy myself. And if it’s not enjoyable, I just go.

2. Take the pressure off.

Something I keep hearing over and over is that people expect to know if a person is right for them in the first conversation. Let me clear this up: It is impossible to know that. There is very little certainty after one conversation.

So if you do meet someone and you start talking, slow down. Take the focus off of “is this the one?” or “does this person like me?” Maybe turn that focus back to yourself. Better questions to ask are “Do I like how I feel when I’m around this person?” and “Am I curious to know more?” 

Not everyone you meet is a potential partner. Why not enjoy the interaction for simply what it is- meeting someone new. There are lots of joys in meeting someone new. You get to see new perspectives and hear about someone else’s life and experiences. Enjoy the person for who they are. 

3. Be curious.

When we show someone that we like who they are, that person is more likely to like you in return. That is actual brain science, and how cool is that! 

When you meet someone new, make it your job to be curious about who they are and discover ways that you can like this person. What are all the things you could like about him or her? What makes them unique? What makes their eyes light up? This keeps conversation interesting and exciting because you have a goal (find what you like about them) and the other person gets to talk about what they are most interested in. 

If you’re worried that you will never get to talk about yourself, don’t fret! I find that conversation with fun and interesting people tends to feel like a ping pong. One person offers something, and then the other person offers something. It flows with a bit of a zip. It’s ok if it’s not there (not everyone is going to be a fit for you, remember?) It’s all just investigation and collecting information. 

4. Have something to say.

It is easier to have conversation if you have something interesting to contribute. I like to have a few things in mind that seem to be great conversation starters, and most people have something to say on these topics. Let me share with you my arsenal of conversation starters. 

• “What passion project do you have in your life right now?”

• “What’s something you’re excited about?”

• “Have you read any good books lately/seen any good movies or tv?”

• “Any travel plans coming up?”

• “What’s good in your life right now?”

These questions are topics that are pretty broad and can usually start an interesting conversation. It gives you the opportunity to listen for things that make someone light up and find out what they are really interested in. And, bonus, you will probably get to answer these questions when the person asks “what about you?” So make sure you have something to say!

5. Be bold. 

Danielle LaPorte says, “Love rewards the brave.” It’s ok to approach someone and say hi. It’s ok to enter into a group of people that are talking and introduce yourself. 

Approach all kinds of people, not just the ones you think are attractive. Not only does this help keep the pressure off but you get to practice having conversations and playing the role of investigator. You also never know who knows someone that they could introduce to you! It’s ok to be bold, to say hello. In fact, I dare you.

This weekend, I challenge you to have a conversation with one new person each day. Even if it’s in line at the grocery store when you’re picking up hamburger buns. Now, get out there and have some fun!!

Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Are You Betting on "One Day"?

There is something that you want.

Maybe you want to find your romantic life partner. Maybe you’re with that person but want more sex (or more space). Maybe you want to pursue your passion for creating the cutest crocheted kitchen caddies. Whatever it is. 

I see it in you. You want something.

And yet, you’re not going for it. Why not?

• You’re afraid of being disappointed.

• You’re afraid it will end up broken-hearted.

• You’re afraid it won’t be as great as you think, or worse, it will be better than you think. And if that’s the case, why did you wait so long to get it??

• You’re worried you’ll ge tit and then you’ll lose it.

So many fears. I have heard them all (and had many of them myself). And those fears feel so real, so we push back going after what we want and say we will do it one day. 

One day I will tell that person how much I care. One day I will join that club. One day I will travel. One day I will lose the weight and start dating. One day I will have enough money to pursue the career I really want. One day I will put myself out there and really do the damn thing. 

I have some hard truth for you. There is no such thing as “one day.”

“‘One day’ is the most dangerous bet of your life.” - Matthew Hussey

When we wait for one day to do the things, we never do the things. There is no “one day” on a calendar and there is no way of knowing when that has arrived. In our brain, it feels specific and actionable. 

It allows our fear to win. Because as long as you are saying “one day” you never have to say “today.”  The “one day” bet will almost always lose because it lets you delay the most important part of the process of getting what you want. First comes identifying what you want, then comes taking aligned action to get it. 

If you are saying “one day” you never have to get uncomfortable and take action. 

What if I told you to take one small step towards what you want? Take one step so small that maybe it feels like you’re almost not doing anything at all. 

If you want to meet your long term partner, maybe you start by just saying hello to someone. Anyone! It doesn’t have to be someone you’re attracted to. 

If you want to lose weight, start by just putting your gym clothes on and driving to the gym. You don’t have to even go in. Start by just driving there. 

Whatever you want, identify one tiny step in the direction of getting what you want. Take a step so small that you don’t have resistance to it. When you take one step and keep it really easy, you can let go of the fear that this is going to be really hard. That you’re not going to be able to do it. If you take one small step, those fears are no longer true. 

For most people, one day never comes. Don’t be most people. Be the person that gets what you want. 

Because you deserve it.