First Dates Can Be Rough. Take It From Me.

I was the queen of the first date. For most of my twenties, I was great at getting a guy to ask me out for the first date, but I never understood why there wasn’t a second.
 
I’d go out. Engage in witty banter. I would wear my best outfit.  We’d talk about work and our friends and families and what we were passionate about. Usually, there was a goodnight kiss. (And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a great kisser. I am 100% confident in my kissing abilities.)
 
When he didn’t ask me out for the next date, I felt distraught. I tried so hard to be the person he wanted me to be. I tried to be what I thought he was looking for: the perfect blend of sexy, independent, cute, funny, smart, accomplished, and nurturing.
 
I couldn’t figure it out.
 
All these years later, it’s clear to me what I was doing wrong. I made the same mistake a lot of people make on a date by staying on the surface level of connection. We talked about what we had in common, not about the topics that would actually make a difference. In this week’s video, I talk about how to take that surface level connection and turn it into something that will go deeper and will foster a better connection. It will also help you evaluate if you like the person across from you, and if your values line up.  
 
Check out the video here.

I felt really frustrated when I was trying to figure out why all my dates seemed to fail and never get a relationship off the ground. It reminds me of when my iPhone wouldn’t turn on, so I panicked and took my iPhone to the Genius Bar. I was freaking out. And my Genius was so calm, she methodically went through a checklist of options to fix my phone. I commented “You’re lucky to work here. I bet when this happens to you, you’re cool as a cucumber because you know it can be fixed.” And she said something very wise to me:
 
“No, I’m a mess! When it’s your problem, you can’t see the answer.”
 
It is always going to be easier for a person outside of the situation to be able to breathe, take a look around, and see the possibilities for solutions. We can cultivate this, and that’s why I teach. Because I want to empower women to be their own best guide, and so that they have somewhere to turn when they need someone on the outside to help.
 
I’m going to be offering a free webinar about recognizing and solving one of the biggest dating problems: Why is it so hard to get a guy? In this webinar, I dissect the problem that many women are having with dating right now- there are so many options, but the quality seems to be lacking.
 
And I’m not going to show you a problem without giving you an answer, of course! I will then help women see what they can do to answer the question and actually start finding great guys.

If you’re a single woman who is dating and wants to understand this better, I hope you will join me on Wednesday March 14 at 1pm EST for my free webinar called Why It’s Hard to Get a Guy (And What You Can Do About It). You can register by clicking here.
 
Even if you can’t be there live, only people that are registered will receive the recorded playback. 
 
I’m already jumping out of my seat with all the juicy information I will be delivering to you. I just can’t wait!

Four Things to Learn from the PowerPoint Tinder Guy

Have you heard about this brilliant British 21-year old? This guy used PowerPoint to create a successful Tinder profile and it made me think "Why didn't I think of that?"

He took something that practically everyone does and twisted it to  catch attention and to set himself apart. He looked at the convention of Tinder, where we just post photos and short bios, and he decided to give prospective dates a playful glimpse into what he’s really like.
 
Here’s what we can all learn from him when we are presenting ourselves online, in any format.
 
 

1. Let yourself be quirky and dorky while showing your sense of humor.

I’ve said this before, but dating isn’t about trying to make everyone like you. It’s quite the opposite. It’s actually preferable to have fewer people like you as long as they like you for who you really are. You want to sort as quickly and efficiently as possible, and the people that are not a good fit can exit. You want people to quickly say “No that’s not for me” or “Yes! This person has so many excellent qualities that I’m looking for!”
 
Attraction is so much deeper than looks, but unfortunately we make assumptions based on looks. When I was on Tinder, I had a rule that selfies in a bathroom mirror or in your car was an automatic elimination. I made assumptions about who that person was, even though I could be totally wrong. So you want to be presenting yourself in a way that shows clearly who you really are so people can accurately judge if it is a fit or not. If you're not sure what you're saying nonverbally, ask a trusted friend of the opposite sex to give his opinion.
 
Honesty and authenticity is attractive, even if it is hard to hear the truth or we think that the truth will get us rejected. What Sam is saying (without actually saying it) is that he’s a bit dorky, he values spending time with his friends and family, drinking is still important to him, and he’s looking for someone to have fun with but the future isn’t necessarily clear.
 
 

1. Be ok with being different, bending the rules, and doing things your own way

 
It is hard for us to be different. Instinct says that if we fit in then we will be part of a tribe and we are more likely to survive. However, in this day and age your tribe isn’t necessarily where you live, so you have to intentionally find your tribe. And that probably means you are going to have to be different from everyone else around you.
 
Sam used the visual medium to his advantage and created a visual representation that expressed who he is and what he’s offering to a potential match. Just like any good salesman, he is going to catch your attention first then show you benefits.
 
He tells you right at the beginning that he is going to answer the question “Why you should swipe right” and he delivers. He knows that the reason is deeper than physical attractiveness, a woman needs to be able to picture her life with a guy not just if he is handsome or not. Ask yourself "What do I have to offer?"
 

1. Highlight your strengths, laugh at your weaknesses

You know what I really love about this? He laughs at himself. You immediately know that he’s not taking life or himself too seriously, which makes me feel relaxed immediately.
 
Your sense of humor, honesty, and cleverness are assets. Showing these parts of yourself are not about being perfect, it's about being who you really are with your best friends. When writing your profile, write the way you talk.

This can be a little intimidating because we want to show, not tell. And Sam does this instantly by creating a PowerPoint in the first place. It’s already hilarious, and nerdy. We’re on his side. Now he can use the medium to show what’s great about himself and he can laugh at some of his weaknesses (“not the worst at sex.”) I think it’s great that he comes out and mentions sex in a way that subtly says, “I want this, but there’s more to me than just that.”
 
I love the fake reviews, but I think there is a missed opportunity here. I would love to see some real people (maybe his best friend) actually say something nice about what he brings to the table. I like that he writes, “My friends think I’m funny”  because there is something charmingly self-deprecating about. Plus, it is so much better than simply saying “I’m funny.”  So why not use that to your advantage to highlight something that other people notice about you? What do your best friends say about you?
 
 

1. Always, always, always make ‘em laugh. At least, make him smile.

Smiling will naturally bond the two of you. We can’t help it as humans. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be you.
 
If you’d like, you can borrow this from Joseph Gordon Levitt, who I think is a master at making people laugh.
 
 
What did you think of the PowerPoint Tinder profile? What was your biggest lesson about putting yourself out there? Let me know! 

Lots of love,
Sarah