You Are Worthy

If you know me, you know I’m a big fan of the TV show Parks and Rec. And I love when Donna and Tom declare it’s the best day of the year and launch a campaign to “Treat yo’self!” It’s fun, over the top, and decadent. Who doesn’t love that?

But there is a big difference between treating yourself and being worthy of it.

You are already worthy. You always are. Nothing you do can ever make that more or less than you are right now.

Treats are wonderful! They bring joy, surprise, and pleasure. Treats are great once in awhile. Do not confuse them with what you are worthy of all the time.

You are always worthy to receive:

• Respect

• Kindness

• Love

• Care and compassion

• Your Dreams

You are inherently worthy of all this and more simply by being a human being alive on the planet.

You are kind, smart, and compassionate.

No dream, aspiration, or goal is too big (or too small). You’re worthy of it all. You’re not too old, too young, too stupid, too scared, too much, too little. You don’t have to earn your worth or prove yourself.

Exactly as you are - you are worthy.

I spent New Year’s Eve watching Lizzo’s concert on HBO. It was full of such wonderful reminders of self worth, beauty, and love. In the words of Lizzo: “In case nobody told you today, you’re special.”

Take a moment right now to feel that.

Now, what is it that you are dreaming about creating in the world? It’s time to start. Right now.

Of course there will be moments of hard work. Of course there will be stumbles and failures. But you are worthy of your best life and it’s time to take a step towards that.

I believe in you. And you are so worthy of all your dreams so why not start now?

How Do You Measure a Year?

This is the time of year when we look at what has passed and what is yet to come. Do you have a system that you like to use?

A process of evaluation can be an important part of living and growing. Assessment is a way to look at what works and what doesn’t work so that you can be intentional about how you act in the future.

One of the most important parts of assessing is to do so with a curious mind, not a judgemental one. When you approach your past with curiosity, you’re acting like a journalist and looking at the story from all angles so you can understand. Looking at what actions were taken and what was the result from those actions. Find the thoughline of the story. And from that non-judgemental perspective, evaluating if those are the results you want to keep.

Most people don’t like to look at the past because they look at it with judgment. They carry shame that they should have been better or that things should have been different. But as the Ghost of Christmas Past says in A Christmas Carol, “the shadows of the past are what they are. Do not blame me.” Don’t blame yourself. You made the best choice you could at the time. And it’s in the past now. You can’t do anything to change that.

You can change your future, however. And the only way to do that is to evaluate and be honest.

I do a brief end of year ritual and I would like to share with you what my process is. I set aside about an hour of peace and quiet, but it usually doesn’t take that long. I make myself very cozy with soft blankets and a nice smelling candle. I want to let myself know this is part of my self care. I make three lists on three separate pieces of paper.

1. What do you want want to leave behind in 2022? Make a list of all the people, places, circumstances, thoughts, feelings, experiences, and situations that you do not want to come with you into new year energy. Purge it all from your brain and onto the paper.

2. Look at that list thoughtfully and with curiosity and ask what wisdom can be found from this crap? What self-knowledge did you gain? What was the contrast that you’re now aware of (less of that, more of this)? What do you now understand better than before?

3. Now that you know what you don’t want, it’s time to declare what you do want? This is also a great place to list what went well and what you want to continue. Make a list of your desires, dreams, preferences, wishes, and anything you want to commit to creating in the new year. I keep this handy all year long and like to reflect on it as I go along.

That’s it! That’s my simple process. Sometimes, I like to release the first list by burning it, if I have a safe way to do that. Otherwise, I will rip it to pieces and throw it away. I like to physically get rid of it and leave it beyond.

What’s yours? Feel free to hit reply and tell me what you do. Or if you try my process, let me know how it goes for you!

I’m wishing you the happiest of New Years and a 2023 full of your desires!

Here's Help for the Holiday Blues

Last week I drafted a post about feeling grief during this time of year. And I re-read it right before I hit the send button and realized it wasn’t ready. It was still full of my own emotions- my pain, anger, and grief.

Don’t get me wrong. Emotions are powerful. Emotions are what I DO. I love them and there is nothing wrong with having emotions. But, I know it’s not helpful for you to read my writing while I am still actively in the emotions. It’s an old writing rule. You teach after you’re through the pain, not while you’re in it. It’s not fun for anyone to read.

Think about how uncomfortable it is for you when you’re sitting with someone in pain. No one teaches us how to be there with someone handling difficult emotions. And it’s even worse to do that when you’re reading about someone’s pain! And that’s exactly what I could talk about today.

Holiday blues are a very real thing. Many people feel sad during this time of year, for a variety of reasons. And the pressure to make it the merriest and most wonderful time of year makes it harder. It feels lonely and isolating to have sad feelings and to not be understood.

If there is someone in your life going through this, here’s what to say or do to be helpful.

1. Say, “I bet this is hard/painful/sad for you. I’m right here with you.” This validates how they’re feeling and allows them to feel how they need to feel.

2. Notice your own reaction. Do you want to try to make them better? This is common because we don’t like how uncomfortable we feel when someone is feeling low. And to make ourselves feel better, we try to make them feel better. What if nothing has gone wrong? What if they are supposed to feel sad right now? And if that’s the case, it’s ok for you to feel some discomfort AND allow them to have their own feelings. Don’t make it about you!

3. Ask, “What would look and feel like support from me right now?” This allows them to paint a picture of what they need. Don’t be surprised if they answer, “I don’t know.” If so, go back to #1. Sometimes it can help having someone be there.

4. Remind them, “I am here anytime. Literally. You can call or text me any time you need to talk or have someone remind you that you’re loved. Because I love you.” Set your own parameters around your availability. When people are going through difficult times, it helps to know that they're loved.

5. Other helpful things to say: “I hear you.” “In the past when you’ve felt like this, what was comforting or helpful for you?” (and then offer to do it with them) “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Things not to do:

1. Don’t rush through to the silver lining. Pointing out the good without acknowledging what they are feeling can be invalidating. It makes the person feel like you don’t understand them or that what they’re feeling doesn’t matter.

2. Don’t minimize. You might think it’s helpful to say something like, “At least this bad thing happened before the holidays!” or “Your ex was a jerk anyway!” It’s actually the opposite of helpful. It’s trying to cut their pain, which never actually works. You have to feel through the pain to help it go away.

3. Don’t rely on alcohol, drugs, food, or other substances to numb or escape pain. It doesn’t actually help the person to heal. It sometimes compounds the problem. Find ways to help process the emotion that also nurture their body (for example: go for a walk, drink lots of water, try yoga or stretching).

4. Don’t say “this too will pass”! I know you mean well, but anytime someone tells me that when I’m in pain, I want to punch them in the nose. I know it’s true, but it makes me angry!

For those that are going through something at the holidays, it’s ok to be there and to help support them. They are allowed to feel however they need to feel. And if this is you going through things right now, I feel you and you have my deepest compassion. Let yourself feel your feelings and also feel the moments of lightness (however small). They are both there, even when we are in darkness.

Struggle Makes Us Stronger

I had a rough week. It’s been one of those weeks that required every inch of my brain and my high-level decision making power. I tested my personal strength and my leadership abilities. I learned and I have grown. 

But, damn, in the middle of all the struggle, I often wanted to quit. I doubted my strength. 

But then I remembered something I heard from my favorite Peloton instructor, Robin Arazon, “struggle makes us stronger.” 

I remembered those moments when I’m working out and I feel like quitting until the coach says, “Yes you can, stay with it.” And I pushed through the pain and did one more rep. And afterwards I felt so proud of myself and I was stronger the next time I worked out. 

It got me thinking about the chicken and the egg. Have you ever seen a chicken break through its shell? The process of pushing and struggling to break through the shell is how the chicken builds its strength to survive. If someone else were to break the shell for it, the chick would not survive. It needs to build its own strength while breaking out of the shell so that it can survive. 

The struggles we are given are a part of our life curriculum. We are meant to struggle, grow and learn. 

But each of us knows when we have more to give. We know when there is a deeper depth of the well of strength where we can dig deep and give more. But we only reach that place when we push past the suffering. If we let our loved ones take away our pain, we never know how deep our well goes. 

If you are struggling right now, take a deep breath. You don’t have to completely break the shell right now, you just need to try. Show yourself you are stronger than you know. You will get to the other side of this, one step at a time. 

Your turn. When was a time you were struggling and you realized after it was over that you were glad it happened the way it did? Tell me your story of how you were stronger than your struggle. I want to hear from you! 

Lots of love,
Sarah

PS. Do you need a coach to help you through your moment of struggle? Someone to say “yes you can. Give me a little more” and remind you of your strength and your goals. 

Book a free Discovery Call with me to explore what it’s like to work with a life coach and see if that’s what you’re looking for:

Book here!

Here's How to Deal with Negative Emotion

Last week I shared that we have to embrace the complexities of life, such as feeling both joy and pain at the same time. It’s all a part of being alive.

Also a part of being alive is learning how to handle and be with the emotions we would rather avoid. Being able to handle all your own emotions and take responsibility for them is being an adult.

Part of being an adult is being able to handle all the emotions in the human experience.

Human beings try to avoid feeling negative emotion (such as sadness, anger, heartbreak or shame). We don’t like feeling that uncomfortable. Sometimes it can even physically hurt. To try to avoid those feelings, we buffer our emotions. Common buffering activities would be eating, drinking or binge watching Netflix.

But buffering doesn’t make the feeling go away. It prevents us from growing, and we miss the opportunity to live a full life.

When we experience emotions like anger or sadness, it is an invitation. These emotions are giving you new access to understanding yourself. Let yourself feel how you are feeling, you can even let yourself fall apart. Do not skip this part! It’s ok to feel, and the way you feel is valid. The goal of this is to let yourself feel through the emotion and let it pass. You don't have to take any action yet.

Once you get to the other side of feeling, here is your opportunity. There will be a spark ignited within you. You can check in with yourself and understand what caused the emotion and what you want to do about it.

Anytime you have a negative emotion, the good news is that it is only an emotion. An emotion is merely a vibration in your body. And no matter how unpleasant that vibration may feel, you are stronger than that and it will pass.

When you know you are stronger than any emotion, you open up to deeper self-knowledge. You discover more self-love and inner strength. Which leads to more confidence to do the important things in life - like speak up, share your gifts, ask for a raise, get the love you want.

This may sound simple, but it isn’t always easy. There's a reason why you've been trying to avoid your feelings! And you're not alone.

Having a coach give you a compassionate witness to your experience. A coach brings perspective and compassion to allow you to move through your feelings. They listen deeply and invite you to learn more about yourself and your inner strength.

If you’re ready to explore how a coach can help you up level your life, let’s talk. Book your free consultation call here https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=13002720

How to Allow Joy During Tough Times

I was only 14 when my dad died. Instead of sitting in biology class, I was with my family in a funeral parlor sharing memories about my dad’s life.

Sitting next to my sister and my cousins, I felt overwhelmed with sadness. And then my cousins did what they do really well. They shared a silly memory of my mom and dad from a holiday gathering and we all couldn’t help but giggle.

It was such a weird feeling. To be at such a low point but also to be laughing. It was confusing but it felt right.

I’ve been thinking about that conflicting duality a lot lately. How can we be feeling such grief and also feel joyful at the same time?

That is how life goes. A good life isn’t only happy. A good life experiences all the emotions - grief, anger, joy, fear, wonder, and more. We cannot avoid the so-called negative feelings without also eliminating the good ones. (Side note: I don’t believe there are any negative emotions, but that is a topic for a different newsletter.)

When we try to numb out the negative feelings because we don’t want to feel them, we also dull our experience of joy. We cannot selectively get rid of feelings.

And on the flip side, how can we allow ourselves to feel joy when we’re also in pain? It almost feels like a betrayal to allow joy when we’re hurting, so how to we let in the good?

Joy isn’t a betrayal, it’s a celebration of being alive. And being alive is about experiencing all the feelings. We can celebrate that we’re alive even when we’re going through something hard. We can be grateful for being able to be here and knowing that we have things that we care about.

And sometimes, when we experience joy when we’re in a tough time, it can feel even greater than normal.

We don’t have to hold onto anything so tightly that we can’t allow other feelings to come in. Holding onto anger, despair, or sadness will only create more of those feelings. Imagine holding your feelings in your hand and squeezing your fingers closed into a fist. When you are gripping with your fingers closed, you are blocking anything else from coming in.

But, if you were to relax your hand and open your fingers, you allow your current emotions to flow through. Not only can those feelings flow, but new ones can come in. The grief or anger may come back in waves along with other feelings, or it may morph into something else. But please do not block yourself from feeling everything that life has to offer.

If you were to allow it, and not resist it, what can you open yourself up to? What can you accept into your life and experience? How can it be a continued celebration of this one and precious life that you are living?

I’d love to hear how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Feel free to hit reply and share your thoughts with me. And if you have someone in your life that needs to hear this message, would you do me a favor and forward this to them? We will get through through this together; you do not have to go through it alone.

The Question That Changed My Life

I hired my first life coach after a breakup. I felt like something was off in my life. I met with Kathryn for over a year as we talked through different challenges.

At one point, we were talking about my personal goals and aspirations. I mused it would be cool if I could be a coach like her, but I could never do that. She seemed so natural at it, and I didn’t have a natural gift. Besides, I was always busy and I’d never have the time. And I wasn’t great as a personal trainer so I bet I'd fail as a coach.

I had reason after reason why I couldn't do this.

Then my coach asked The Big Question: “But what if you can?”

I had never thought of that before. I had so many reasons why I couldn’t and it was like a door opened and a whoosh of new thoughts and ideas came pouring in.

I thought of what it would mean to me if I could do it. I could make an impact in people’s lives. I could make a living doing something I loved. I could inspire myself to grow. I could have a lot of fun.

And that one question switched my brain from impossible to maybe it’s possible. It switched my thinking from “I can’t” to “how could I?”

Our brain’s default mode is to keep us safe. And safe means never taking any risks. The first answer to everything is “I can’t.” Because your brain’s job is to make sure you stay alive. Anything perceived as a risk seems too risky to the brain.

But when we never risk anything, we stay in our small bubble. We never see how great life can be. We never grow from challenges or expand beyond where we are right now. And that’s fine, if you never want any more than what you have right now.

But if you want more money, better health, or better relationships there will be risk involved. You will have to grow beyond where you are right now.

Even though your voice of fear might be saying “I can’t”, what could it look like if “I could”? Give your dreams some air and explore what it would be like if you could.

I would love to hear about your dreams. Hit reply and share them with me.

Better yet, hit forward and send this to a friend who needs a little extra inspiration. Share the love and inspiration and let’s explore together what could be possible.

How to Start Doing Hard Things

Like many people over the pandemic, I discovered the Peloton app. I know, I was late to the Peloton game. But now I get it. #WYKYK! (“When you know, you know”)

Even though I love fitness, I had a hard time motivating myself to stick to a routine during the pandemic. When I discovered the Peloton app, I felt like I found a gold mine. I found accountability and motivation in their challenging programs and peppy coaches.

As I hit play on my workout, even on the days I don’t feel like it, the coach reminds me “the hardest part is done.”

At first this was confusing. “What do you mean the hardest part is done, I haven’t even started working out! I know some hard stuff is about to happen!” But the hardest part is actually showing up. Once you’re there, you’re committed to what will happen and you will handle whatever comes your way.

The hardest part is showing up.

Think about how much emotional and mental drama you have about any challenge you’re facing. The chatter in your brain saying “You can’t do this.” “It’s too hard.” “Why bother? There are other things you could do with your time.”

But have you ever noticed that it all seems to go away once you started? That mental and emotional drama seems to stop once you start doing the thing. Funny, isn’t it? You think it’s going to be so hard to do the thing, but the most resistance and the most difficulty is in getting started.

Now you know that the hardest part isn’t doing the thing, it’s showing up. So, how do you actually do it? Next time you have something you want to do that seems a bit difficult, take a couple minutes and apply these steps:

Step 1. Bring awareness to your resistance. Notice that it’s happening. See if you can eavesdrop on your thoughts and be like an investigative reporter. You don’t have to do anything with them, you just have to notice them.

Step 2. Remind yourself why you want to do the thing. Why are you even trying to do something difficult? Are you working towards a goal? Are you strengthening a relationship, improving your career, building new skills? Ask yourself why it matters (and you know it matters because you wouldn’t make a big deal over it if it didn’t matter).

Step 3. Give yourself an out. Sometimes we start a hard thing and realize that today actually isn’t the day for it. And that’s ok. There are some days when I lace up my shoes and start to run and realize I don’t have it today. I try for five minutes and if I’m still not feeling it, I let myself walk instead. Sometimes it helps to give yourself an exit plan. Can you plan a pause for yourself, an alternative, the ability to say “Can we take a break here and come back to it later?”

Step 4. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to start?” and use that willingness to launch you into your first step. Hit play on the work out, hit send on the email, walk into the office for the meeting. start and trust yourself to handle what comes your way.

Now that you know all the secrets and how to get started, I challenge you to go out there and start. You opened this email and read all the way to the end for a reason. Let this be the nudge you need to do the damn thing.

Go get ‘em.

Rest Is Not One Size Fits All

Let me know if you can relate. Quite a few months back, I was so drained I set up my Sunday as a “#selfcareSunday”. I did a face mask, painted all my nails, and took a long bath with a stack of magazines. I sat in the tub until the water went cold, and I still felt raw. Like I had been checking boxes off of a to-do list titled “Self Care” but I wasn’t feeling any better. I didn’t know what to do to get myself back.

Have you ever felt so stressed that your normal stress-busting routines don’t work? Have you ever been so drained that it feels like you could sleep for a week and not even begin to get back to normal?

Given the way the world has been for the last few years, I bet understand where I’m coming from.

Self care is a practice that is much deeper than just getting a massage or taking a nice bath with candles. Somehow, something that was once a restorative practice has become an industry of people trying to sell you things to help you take care of yourself. But you really don’t have to spend any money. You need to tune into yourself, get curious about what you really need right now.

Self care is the practice of giving back to yourself to restore yourself back to a sense of balance. But because self care is all about YOU there is no one-sized-fits-all prescription for self care. But there is a general framework and suggestions that can help you know yourself better so you can take care of you.

Realize not all rest is the same. Get in touch with the kind of rest you need. What kind of stressed or tired are you? Here are some ideas of what you can do when things are really, really hard and you need to take care of yourself.

1. Start by taking care of your physical rest, since most people are not getting enough sleep each night and you may be in a sleep deficit. Take a nap, take a day off work and stay in bed and do nothing. Whatever you need to restore your sleep and rest. If you still feel tired down to your bones after getting some extra sleep, proceed to #2.

2. Adjust your diet to increase your water intake and increase your fruits, veggies and lean proteins. Increasing the nutrition you actually take into your body will nourish you physically. This is far better than dealing with stress with sweets, carbs, or alcohol. All of which may be tempting (I see you, Pinot Noir 👀…) But before you go there, I challenge you to think about nourishment first.
   

3. Turn off your phone and all screens. Give yourself a significant amount of time without screens or people demanding your time (especially people who aren’t even in your presence). A Netflix binge may seem restful, but it actually leads to feeling sluggish and still tired. Instead, read a book. Listen to music. Try some gentle movement like a walk, easy yoga, or stretching. Experiment with a hobby, like gardening.

4. Tune into your spiritual well-being. Spiritual does not have to mean religious. Your spirit refers to the non-physical part of you, it is your deepest, unchanging essence. It needs nourishment just like your body. Check in with yourself and try attending a church service, meditating, do something creative, journal or write yourself a gratitude note, get into nature. Sometimes, dancing can be rest if it restores your soul. Different people recharge their spirit differently, so experiment to find what is truly restorative.

All these different types of rest do something different to restore you. When I look back all those months ago, I completely neglected to do steps 2 and 3. I thought I just needed to physically rest and do the stuff people say I should do. But I had deeper deficits that needed my attention. Even though I didn’t know it then, I do know now and practice it regularly (daily if possible).

Now it’s your turn. Don’t just trust me, try me. Start with #1 and work your way through the list. Hit reply and let me know how it goes and how you feel afterwards.

4 Lessons From The Unimaginable Winner And The Steady Loser

Did you watch the Kentucky Derby last weekend? I did.

As I watched the horses warm up, I noticed the last horse Rich Strike in the lineup went by with barely any mention other than his unlikely 80-1 odds of winning.

I asked my boyfriend “If you had a horse with odds of winning at 80-1, would you pay the $50,000 entry fee?” (scroll to the end if you want to know what my answer was)

The owner of Rich Strike even assumed they would lose and told all his friends to enjoy the day without worry. They weren’t even supposed to be in the race, having entered the race merely 34 hours before the post time.

As the race was underway, unsurprisingly Rich Strike was in the back of the path,16 horses back from the front. This race was already being run at nearly a record-breaking starting speed. The horses at the back didn’t stand a chance.

But the jockey riding Rich Strike never stopped telling himself he could do it. Sonny Leon waited for his moment. When the opening came, he seized it with the skill of an experienced jockey on a horse he knew through and through.

After he was declared the winner, he told reporters that all the way to the end he told himself “I think I got this. I can win the Kentucky Derby.”

And on the other end of the spectrum, the world’s worst race horse Zippy Chippy recently died. He lost 100 races. He was so slow to start out of the gate, that he actually lost a race against a minor league baseball player.

Despite his losing record, he was deeply beloved.

Zippy Chippy raced because he loved it. He didn’t understand why everyone was always in such a rush; he was happy to be right where he was and do his own thing. His owner loved Zippy Chippy for who he was and didn’t try to force him to be something that he wasn’t.

Both of these horses taught me 4 invaluable lessons:

• Do what you love because you love it. Don’t do it for the wins. Do it for yourself.

• The losses aren’t worth worrying over, so you might as well enjoy yourself.

• Even when the odds are stacked against you, don’t give up.

• Don’t underestimate preparation and practice, just in case opportunity knocks.

They inspired me to reignite my blog and my business. I haven’t really stopped, just quietly practicing on the side. And here I am, hoping you’ll welcome me into your inbox.

Don’t be surprised if you see me rocket to the front of the pack. Or not. Maybe I’ll be over here stopping to smell the flowers. But whatever I do, I’m recommitting to doing what I love and doing it for the fun of it.

Who’s with me?

PS. I actually was arguing that I would NOT have entered the race with a $50,000 entry fee and 80-1 odds of winning. I would have lost out on winning $3million. And so I learned a 5th lesson: Bet on yourself. When you work hard and are doing your best, take the chances. You can’t possibly know the outcome.

PPS. Do you want someone to believe in you and push you beyond what you could have ever imagined possible and reach your wildest dreams? Someone teaching you how to handle the ups and the downs while eliminating stress and drama? Maybe it’s time for a life coach. Want to explore if we’re a good fit to work together? Book a free 60 minute consultation here.