Lessons From The Horses: Part Three

Before arriving, I joked that I didn't care that I would end up smelling like horse shit and that I would be spending a lot of time with the shovel as long as I got time to be around the horses. I even packed a pair of pants that I planned to wear as work pants and then I could trash them or mail them home.

I would make these jokes because I wanted to ease the tension that I always felt when I told people I would be working for a free place to stay. People would get really uneasy around the idea. They would say that's not what they would want to do for their trip, or that it sounded like a lot of work, or that it sounded really unpleasant. All I could see was an opportunity to learn a different way of life and to be around these animals that I didn't have at home. Besides, museums get old eventually. I like being of service, being useful.

The other day I was given the task to shovel all the shit.  Normally I just do the stalls for two to three horses and they have hired help that does the big pens where the other 10 horses are. But this week, the hired help couldn't make on elf her days and the work needs to be done.

So there I am, shoveling for two hours, and it never occurs to me once to think that this smells bad orbtat it sucks or that I shouldn't be doing this. The thought never happens. I focus on my task and make it a game in my head. 

I analyze what I have to do and try to be as efficient as possible. I try different ways of working. I see how quickly I can fill a wheel barrow.

So here I am. One week in, and one week to go and I actually wish I was staying longer. Staying longer to shovel hay and shit and be in the tiniest town you can imagine. And everything is in German and I don't speak the language.

Doesnit have moments that suck and smell bad? Yes. My muscles are sore. I was on a train the other day and I realized that I am the person on the train that stinks. I smell like horse. And I don't think I will ever forget the smell of bad hay. It. Is. Pungent.

But overall, I am incredibly grateful to be here, to be working, to be a part of a family. And the horse shit is going to be there today and tomorrow and the day after. It's just a part of life. I'm ok with that. 

Lessons From The Horses: Part Two

Did you know a horse's brain is about the size of a walnut!?

Because their brain is so small, they adapted to have extremely sensitive mirror neurons and pick up on feelings incredibly easily. This allows them to sense nearby predators so they can get to safety. 

Mirror neurons allow you to sense what is happening in another being.  Humans have them. We often shut them down or override them. Most of us have the feeling of when our best friend or partner is sharing a story that is extremely painful, and we feel the same pain. Often with people we are really sensitive to we will mirror our body language with the other person. This happens naturally, not on purpose.  (Believe me, I've tried to force it with someone on a date. It still ends with us parting ways at the end of the night!)

Scientists are still researching exactly how this works, but if you want to see it in action just get in front of a horse.

Last night a new foal came to the farm. She was anxious and loud when she arrived, and didn't follow her guide like the other horses do. I remember listening to all her noise and hearing how anxious she sounded.

This morning, I needed to clean her pen. I needed to move her from one pen to another.  I decided I would lay some ground work. Every time I passed her as I delivered food to all the horses I would take a moment to connect. I talked in baby talk and soothing tones. She came to me and let me pet her nose and neck.

I thought this meant we were good. The problem with that sentence was that I "thought."

The time came to move. I got the neck strap and she let me put it on. It felt like she even helped me get it in the right place.  I continued to pet her and talk. The time came to move, and I could feel my heart beat quicken.  The crazy thing is that it wasn't my heart beat, I picked up her nervousness.

How did I know? I've been doing some practice for the last six months noticing how I feel. I've noticed that I quite easily pick up other people's energies, and I have to make sure I stay clean with my own energy. Sometimes I realize I am feeling bad, but it wasn't because something bad happened to me. I picked up someone else's feelings and took it on myself. I had to tell myself that wasn't mine, and I had to release it.  I cut cords, and will post resources about that, and let it go.  

So when I noticed Rd was racing I knew that wasn't mine. But I panicked a little. I wasn't sure what to do. I went back to the soothing baby talk, telling her that it's all ok. My energy probably felt really icky. It felt like I was trying to skip over the feelings and make it better fast because I needed her to do something. The foal backed away from me. 

I tried again. I pursued to make contact. She backed up again. I noticed she didn't have much farther to go until she got to the corner and I definitely did not want a horse to feel cornered, because who knows what kind of defensive action she would take. I decided to leave the pen, finish my chores and ask for help.

My host admitted she was also a little scared, and asked her husband it help. He is a ferrier (he puts horseshoes on horses), and is used to calming horses. 

Here's what he taught me:

Establish contact with your hands. The warmth and touch from your hands is important. It should be firm and kind, working your way down the neck towards the leg. Do not rush this. Keep doing this until you feel connected. 

Be the leader. Be strong, be confident, establish trust. If you send nonverbal messages that you are trustworthy then the horse will trust you. 

Picture what you want and focus on it. If you want the horse to go to the pen, think about going to that pen. (I confused the horse because I was thinking "Why isn't she following me? Why is she backing away, why is she staying?")

What takeaways did you get from my mistakes with the foal?

Lessons From The Horses: Part One

Work smarter not harder 

I'll admit it. I am often so anxious to get started and complete my tasks that I don't always work in the smartest or most efficient ways. I see what the end goal is, and I just start taking steps to get there.

But sometimes my way of getting to my end goal might involve walking or crawling when I could just take the bus.

One of the first assignments I got here on the farm was to feed the horses breakfast. I was shown how to do it once, I helped do it with someone once and then I was on my own. I just did the best I could and paid attention to the horses for signals if I did it right.

When I showed some hesitancy, one of my hosts decided to go with me. He watched as I started to move the hay around and noticed I did it by hand. He taught me to use the fork so I didn't have to bend over quite so much. He advised it was always better to take care of my back.

I told him it was the idea to "work smarter not harder." And he said "Exactly! Use the tools you have."

I now chant "work smarter not harder" as I do my chores. It keeps me focused so that I don't get casual and sloppy. I try to stay aware and in the moment to avoid getting casual and careless. I'm constantly looking for better ways to do things. Is there an easier way?

That works on so many levels. What tools do you have that you're not using? What tools do you need to do your work easier? Could there be an easier way to do things in your life?

Soeaking of tools and easier ways, I traveled only with my iPad for this trip. It was light and multi-purposed. Because of that I am having trouble putting pictures in these posts. If anyone hasn't tips, please let me know. Otherwise I will keep trying and hopefully will figure it out soon!

How To Beat Jet Lag

I have a fierce vendetta against jet lag. I firmly believe one does not need to suffer badly.

Usually I only travel from the east coast to the west coast of the United States. My first time back from California was really rough. I remember falling asleep on my couch and passing out for an entire afternoon. 

When I went to Scotland in August, I knew I had to hit the ground running in order to get ready to participate in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I made it my mission to research the best ways to avoid jet lag and what actions a person can take to prevent it. I dont know which of these methods actually work so I'm going to share them all. I'm sure with more travel I will try things and figure out a more streamlined process. 

But for now this is what I got!

1. Start drinking green juice 3-4 days before your flight. The extra nutrients from the veggies really help support my immune system. It also makes me feel naturally more awake and alert.

I also read you should start going to bed earlier to get closer to the time zone you will be in. I found this really hard in practice, but if you can do it more power to you.

2. Really hydrate. I mean, really, really hydrate. Most of us think we are drinking enough water but the air on a plane is really drying. It will make you feel more tired and worn down. Also, you won't have that many opportunities to get water on the plane other than the little bottles of water they handout. But it's never enough.

Water keeps your cells fresh and your brain clear. What could be more useful than a clear brain when you are traveling?!! Hydrate before your flight and after you land. I always feel like I am drinking water constantly when I land, but it really does help.

3. Skip the caffeine and alcohol. Before my trip I try to scale back on my caffeine intake. Caffeine is also dehydrating and it revs up our system. (That's why we love it, right?!) We want our body to function on a normal level, and extra caffeine gets in my way. I still have a cup of coffee in the morning, maybe a cup of tea in the afternoon. Granted, I am a coffee lover so this is a decrease for me!

l also scale back on alcohol. Alcohol can make my stomach feel uneasy as it processes. It is like my system has to work harder to process the alcohol, and I don't want it to have to do that while I'm in the air. Alcohol also makes me feel dehydrated (see above!).

Skippinng coffee and alcohol will also help you get some sleep on the plane. This can't always be helped since it is an unusual place to be restin, but try to get as many Zzz's on the pane as possible! 

4. Once I land, I try to get on the local eating schedule immediately. This helps my body adjust to the new time zone.

I recently traveled from Washington D.C. to Munich, Germany. The flight was left at 5:30pm and arrived 7:30 AM local time. Munich is 6 hours ahead, so hen I landed it was actually 1:30 AM back home. Regardless, I made sure to eat something for breakfast. Even though it was just yogurt and fruit, it was a step towards adjusting my body. 

5. No nap! Get your body moving instead! More than anything, I wanted a nap around 1:00 PM.I almost fell asleep on the subway, actually. Luckily, I scheduled a walking tour of Munich. I used to think walking tours were for the weak, the people that didnt rproperly do their research. 

I have since changed my mind. Walking tours (especially the free ones) are the best way to get to know the area. And it kept me moving and active and engaged. Walking around helped me get my bearings in a new city, and it helped me plan what I would do while I visited. 

Taking a nap will only extend your jet lag by confusing your body about when the proper time to go to sleep really is. Feel free to go to bed earlier than normal on your first night. More than likely you will sleep a few extra hours to make up for those you lost. I slept for almost 12 hours when I finally went to sleep in Munich.

6. Bonus tip: Fiber. I swear by fiber when I arrive. Maybe it's because traveling makes me feel stopped up and fiber helps keep things moving. I alway take advantage of fruits and vegetables I find (usually at a market) because I don't know about you but I often end up eating sandwiches when I'm in a new place. Eating lots of fiber keeps me feeling better all around. 

 What are your tips and tricks for beating jet lag when you travel? Let me know.

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

If I had to guess what my most impactful book of the year would be I would definitely have The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks in the running. That is how powerful and helpful it is. (get your Oscar acceptance speech ready, Mr. Hendricks)

I picked this up because the book kept coming up in podcast interviews I was hearing. And now that I finished it, I don't know why I haven't heard about it more. I certainly could have used this book a year ago, two years ago, ten years ago. But, everything comes in its own perfect timing.

Hendricks is a psychologist and noticed a pattern in his patients. When they would finally reach a level of happiness that they wanted, something would seem to sabotage that happiness. We all know what this is like. We get a raise at work, and suddenly the water heater breaks and we have to replace it. We meet the love of our life, but we can't stop bickering and picking fights. We win the lottery and spend it all in three years and wind up broke despite it all.

Hendricks identifies this as an Upper Limit Problem, otherwise called an ULP for silliness (it rhymes with "gulp"). We each have set our own limit internally of how much goodness we think we are worthy of receiving. When we receive more than we think we deserve we do something to sabotage the happiness and knock us back down to "normal." The underlying feeling is "I am not a perfect being, therefore I do not deserve wonderful things."

And it's true. I have never met a person who didn't have some version of the "I'm not good enough" story. Somewhere in our lives we think we're not enough to deserve X. Who knows where we have all picked up this story, because if Anita Moorjani taught me anything I know that this story isn't true. 

The three main areas of our life where we sabotage ourselves are finances, success and love. It's no coincidence that these are also areas where we humans tend to gather a lot of our confidence and self-worth. 

From Hendricks' experience, the way to turning around the problem is simply opening your eyes to the problem in the first place. The willingness to see the cause of a problem instantly opens up to the possibility of it going away. I know this sounds like magic and that it is too easy to be possible. If you think it is too easy, I direct you to the review about The Tapping Solution. Sometimes easy can be the answer. 

The brain certainly has a unique way of solving problems to keep us all safe. When we perceive happiness as being unsafe because we've never experienced it before, then we sabotage it. If we are willing to see things differently and open up to the possibility, the brain creates the space for it to happen. Being able to ask yourself "Am I willing to see this differently? Am I willing to see this as a problem that I made up?" provides the space that the brain needs to move forward to allow the happiness to flow.

A simple meditation that he offers in the book has been a powerful partner for me as I am moving forward. Recognizing my blocks and then saying "I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same." has been a helpful tool.

This is different from the Secret. It is more than just meditating on what you want. He pairs it with action steps which is what he calls the Zone of Competence, the Zone of Excellence and the Zone of Genius. 

The Zone of Competence is where you are just fine at completing certain tasks. It still takes a lot of effort for you to do these tasks. Because it takes so much effort for you to do these things and you are doing them just at a competent level, it is probably not wise to build your life around this zone.

The Zone of Excellence are the tasks and skills that you have that you do really well. Because you do these things well, and often it is a special set of skills, you are usually recognized and well compensated for these skills. it is really tempting to stay here because you can create a nice life in the Zone of Excellence. However, and this is the kicker and it is exactly the feeling I was having without the words to name it, "a deep, sacred part of you will wither and die if you stay inside your Zone of Excellence." Perhaps this seems dramatic to you, but it is exactly the feeling I was having. 

The sacred part of you quietly asking for your attention is your Zone of Genius. Your Zone of Genius is unique to you and has a million names from other experts like Ken Robinson. It is also called your unique gift, your calling, your flow. And that's why a lotto people get stuck because they can't name what this thing is.

But you don't have to name it. It is the thing where you feel like you are in flow. And you are probably so good and natural at this thing that you take it for granted. Usually you are so much in flow you assume everyone else has this skill as well. I had a moment with one of my best friends last week where I was bragging about find my Zone of Genius, and her response was "Well, duh, you already knew that, right?"

The funny thing is that even if I had asked her years ago to name my genius, I bet she would have struggled. It is just as hard for other people to name our genius as it is for us. They are often incredibly tuned in to it and can offer wonderful clues. But don't rely on them for all the answers. 

The tricky part is that we must make the big leap from our Zone of Excellence into our Zone of Genius. It is not like taking steps on a staircase, it is a leap across a ravine to the other side. We must actively choose to do it. And often it lies on the other side of our Upper Limit Problem. 

The Call to Genius will come in strange ways. If you've experienced your Zone of Excellence it was easy to fall into it. Maybe you've been doing it for years because it's easy, comfortable and well-compensated. Maybe you've done it for so long you're not quite sure how you got so far in this. The Call to Genius starts like quiet nudges and small pulls and tugs. It rarely makes logical sense, but something about it feels satisfying. If you ignore it, over time the quiet calls turn into loud signals such as physical pain or discomfort, depression, illness, injuries and conflict in major areas of your life.

I deeply desire people to move into their Zone of Genius. I believe I am in my own Zone of Genius, and let me tell you that the water is fine and the view is great from here. But as badly as I want it for others, I know that the only person that can make the leap is you.

I actually wrote this from my Zone of Genius. I was so much in the flow that when Wix had a blip and I lost half my post and I let out an exasperated sigh. I lost my flow and had no clue what I wrote. So whatever this is was re-written from my flow. It's really something I cannot recreate because it came out without thought or effort. And I trust that it's enough and that it's right.

This book will become one of the pillars of how I think and look at my life. I see myself re-reading it over and over again to remind myself that my blocks and limits are completely self-imposed and can be self-removed. If I had a rating system, I would recommend and rate this off the charts. 11 out of 10 stars! Please go get a copy.