Have you ever gone to a farm and picked your own apples? It can be a lot of fun to wander the orchards looking for the apples that you want most of all.

The easy thing to do is get the fruit that has fallen from the trees laying on the ground. At first this feels like a life hack, but you will quickly realize that the vast majority of these apples are rotten. They fell off the branches because they weren’t good fruit anymore.

Often the best, sweetest apples were a bit higher up the tree and you have to reach a little bit.

You know an apple is ready to be picked because it is firm, smells a little sweet and it comes off the tree with an easy tug.

And that got me thinking about dating. (Of course it did, when am I not thinking about dating!?)

So many people come to me frustrated when broken hearts. They just shared their heart and soul with someone and they were ghosted. Or they were told they are “too nice” and the other person normally dates bad boys/girls. Or they were broken up with and felt like their heart was used and disrespected.

“I didn’t see it coming,” the broken-hearted will tell me. “They were so much fun, there was great chemistry, we got along. And then I try to make things serious and they leave me. What the hell is going on? I’m tired of this.”

What’s missing is a system to sort the good fruit from the rotten. You do not need to spend your time dating rotten fruit.

Let me be clear about something: When I talk about rotten fruit I’m not saying the person is rotten or a bad person. It’s just a metaphor. Rotten fruit in terms of people and relationships is referring to the fact that they are emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable to you.

This may look like:

- the person still in love with her/his ex

- the person that won’t commit to you

- the person that cheats

- the person who tells you up front they’re “just having fun” or “not looking for anything serious right now.” (Danger!! Danger!! Red flags!!

If you’re not sure if you’re dating rotten fruit, here are some signs:

- you feel used

- you’re exhausted or drained by dating

- you feel disappointed or broken hearted followed by a glimpse of joy (especially right before you are going to end it)

And just like eating rotten fruit will make you feel sick and you won’t get any of the nutrients you need (plus it tastes gross!). So what are you getting out of relationships with people that aren’t good for you?

It’s time once and for all to declare that you’re done wasting your time with people that are not good for you. You do not need to be available for that.

It is not your job to fix them.

Or heal them.

Or change their mind that you are a good fit for them.

Accept them as they are and let them go their way.

By doing this you are making space for a better fit to come into your life. If your hands and mouth is full of rotten fruit, you can’t reach for the good stuff.

You have to put down the rotten in order to have a hand free to pick up what’s good.

We get really scared to let go of the bad because we don’t yet know what good looks like. We think it’s better to have something in our hands than nothing at all. Or you convince yourself that an empty basket is better than having rotten fruit, but you still don’t even know how to identify the good fruit.

We as human beings do not want to let go until we know and trust that what is coming next is better.

Let me tell you this, with absolute certainty:

You deserve better than rotten fruit. Put it down, let it go, and know that something better is coming your way.

When you declare that you are no longer available for people and situations that leave you feeling like crap, you are making a HUGE step forward towards getting what you want. So start here.

Declare that you will no longer settle for the rotten fruit in life.

Because you deserve so much better.

If you want to be witnessed, comment and tell me you’re DONE. Feel free to share a time when you were dating someone that fits in the rotten fruit category and now you know you deserve better.

Do you know someone that needs a pep talk? Hit the heart and like this article so that more people can see this article. Or share this link with a friend that needs to stop dating rotten fruit. Because sharing is caring. ❤