(Pssst…. Make sure to read all the way for a confidence secret at the end!)

What is the #1 trait that people look for in a partner? Confidence.
 
Same goes in job interview, networking, or making new friends. 
 
And yet confidence is also a big struggle for almost all of us. 
 
Let me make it really easy to make a good first impression. These are some really easy steps to take the guesswork out of how to nail that first meeting with confidence.
 
In case you're curious, here's how I decided on these steps - you can trigger feelings of confidence through your brain and your body. It’s not quite “fake it till you make it” (because I really hate that phrase), it’s simply cause and effect. You can create confidence. I’m going to give you a few entry points to feel more confident. Take what works for you, leave the rest. 
 

1. Feel good and boost your mood

Pretty early on in the coaching process, I encourage my clients to collect a list of pleasurable activities including songs, sayings, and activities. It's time to figure out what’s pleasurable to you.

A good playlist will be just the ticket. You can browse the interwebs and there are lots of lists for Mood Boosting, Feel Good or Get Happy. Find the music that makes you smile and tap your foot to the beat. Maybe you like the songs “Walking on Sunshine” or anything by Lizzo. Find your groove, make your own playlist.

You can also choose quotes, mantras and affirmations to hang. I also recommend having a list of places and activities that recharge you and make your heart happy. Maybe you like a hot shower, a long walk in nature, or a bike ride.

2. Look good

I used to read a lot of self-help books about dating, and many gave pretty sexist advice about what to wear or how to look. I have no interest in that.

But I will share that human beings are visual. We like to see something we deem as beautiful. And you know what is the most appealing? Confidence.

When you’re going out of the house, wear whatever makes you feel confident.

You know you found the right thing when you can walk with great posture with your head held high and you feel pretty damn good. Maybe you even catch your reflection in the mirror and think, “Oh heyyyy sexy.”

3. Know what to say

There is no formula for the “perfect” thing to say, but I will give you some prompts to get you thinking about topics you already like talking about.

Great conversation starts with knowing what you enjoy and are passionate about. Here are some ideas. What have you recently read, watched or listened to? What is your opinion about it? Do you have travel plans coming up or have you recently traveled? What was exciting about that? What could you spend all day doing and lose track of time?

You can also take the pressure of yourself and ask the other person questions about what they’re passionate about. You know you struck gold when they talk with excitement, their eyes light up or they can’t stop talking. Try questions like “What’s your passion project right now?” “How do you like spending your free time?” “What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?”

4. Assume confident body language

While the science behind it is iffy, I think the results speak for themselves with power posing. By assuming a power posture, you can increase your feelings of confidence. Power poses were made popular in the TED talk by Amy Cuddy. And you can practice power poses by putting your hands on your hips or your hands over your head in a victory stance. Hold this for 60 seconds and feel the confidence spread through your body.

When it comes to confident body language around other people, stand tall with your shoulders back and your head up. Make casual eye contact and smile. All of these subtle cues let other people see you’re at least comfortable and they will relax around you.

5. Be the person others respond to

Have you ever been at a party meeting someone new and they go in for the hug? They usually say something like “I’m a hugger.” Most of the time, you relax into the hug and go with it. There is an ease about being around someone that is confident in who they are. 
 
On the opposite end of the spectrum, have you ever been with someone introducing themselves and there is the awkward dance between going in for a hug or a handshake? It’s confusing and uncomfortable and it fumbles the first impression big time. The person that does the dance is trying to respond to other people and adapt to the situation. Don’t be that person!’
 
To be the person other people respond to, make a choice and commit to it. Even if it’s just for the time being. Be a hugger. Be someone that smiles and says hello. Ask the questions. 
 
We like someone who knows who they are. Be the person the other person responds to. If you’re a hugger, go in for the hug. If you prefer a handshake, do it. Don’t flounder, it’s more confusing to people! 
 
 
Want to know a confidence secret?
 
No one is confident 100% of the time. We are all just doing our best here. Sometimes you naturally feel confident and things are great, and other times it’s a struggle. 
 
Use these tips when you need a little pink-me-up so you’re feeling super-confident for making a first impression. 
 
You don’t have to fake it, you just have to get into the right headspace.
 
 
What’s your favorite tip for making a good first impression or feeling more confident? Whether it’s something you read here or somewhere else. Hit reply and share.