Faith in the darkness

I was sobbing on the floor, asking God for clarity.

I was not composed. It was not a pretty moment. I was desperate.

I had tried everything to make my relationship work. We did couples therapy, date nights, vacations, deep conversations. 

I hit the point when I needed clarity. So I hit my knees and asked God for help. “If you’re listening, God, I want clarity. If this relationship is where I’m meant to be and where I’m meant to grow, then make that clear. And if this isn’t where I’m meant to be, make that clear. Thank you.”

At that moment, I gave up controlling it. I let go of my need to be the one that figured it all out. I had faith in the unknown, faith in something larger than me. I surrendered my control.

And a couple of hours later, my then boyfriend said to me, “We need to talk.” And he ended the relationship.

Despite feeling devastated and heartbroken, a part of me knew I got what I asked for. I received clarity and I was going to trust that this was what was best for me.

I have had a rocky relationship with faith. I grew up Catholic and was an obedient girl going to church every weekly like I was supposed to. I followed the rules and tried to do unto others as I would have them do unto me.

At some point, I started to question all that. I wasn’t sure the structure of the Catholic church was serving me. And I started to call myself “spiritual.” But it lacked any structure to my connection with the Divine.

But that moment changed me. I let go and let God, as they say, and began to rebuild my faith. I felt supported by something larger than me. I had a direct experience with asking and receiving an answer. It was beyond my logical comprehension. I could have called it coincidence. But where's the magic in coincidence? And I love dabbling in the magic and the Divine.

Faith is having “complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” (according to the Oxford dictionary)

You can have faith in the Divine. You can have faith in yourself. You can have faith in love.

When I feel lost, I turn to love. Love is the only thing in this universe that is infinite. When I let go of control, I surrender into more love.

It’s not always easy. It’s often painful and I try to pry open my grip on control. In our darkest moments, it only takes one spark of light to banish the darkness.

As we approach the winter solstice (the darkest night of the year), I invite you to turn towards love and open up to faith. Faith provides light in the darkness.  But we never talk about what the darkness provides. 

Our moments of darkness can provide the opportunity for rest and reflection. It can bring to light the things that are no longer working that we want to change. 

As we approach the darkest day of the year, may I invite you to find the opportunity in it? 

Find your faith. Find your moment to reflect or rest.

We take this moment so we start the new year fresh. I have a process I use every year so that I create with intention in the new year without the baggage from the old. 

If 2023 was a stinker, don't take the dirty diaper with you into a shiny, fresh new year. And if you have been saying "someday" every time you think of your dreams, maybe it's time to make it real. Wouldn't it be nice for "someday" to be today?

It doesn't happen by accident. It happens when you clear space and make a plan. 

Nothing is too big or too small for your desires. There is no order in miracles. They are all possible. 

I'm leading a free workshop on January 11 at 7pm. In this workshop I will guide you through my process of processing and letting go of the past. And then we will dream of what you want for the future and plan to make it a reality. (all while leaving some room for magic)

More details will come soon. I hope you'll take this opportunity to build faith in yourself. Let go of your past and seize your future.

Sending you so much love,

Sarah